Monday, September 18, 2017

Are you gonna stay the night?

All it takes is one night to remind you of all of the things that you miss in life, to show you the kind of person that you once were - the kind of person that you wish you could be again.

Last night, I felt things - things I thought I wouldn't be able to feel again. I felt like I was taken back through time to re-experience a life I used to have and boy, did it feel good.

See, I used to be a party girl. I used to go to music festivals and drink alcohol like my life depended on it. I know that kind of lifestyle isn't fun for everyone - and to each their own - but I used to have a hell lot of fun in those days. All of that changed due to unfortunate circumstances.

Last night, though, as the magic of Zedd and his throwback songs flooded through my veins like a drug, I felt like I became that person again.

As songs like Clarity and Stay the Night pumped through the speakers, I recalled all of those feelings that I felt in 2014 and 2015 - all of those feelings of longing and passion and the inexplicable need for closeness. Little did I know that as the night progressed, those feelings would progress with it.

It all feels pretty surreal, really - like it didn't happen to me, but to somebody else. Like I didn't touch that skin or kiss those lips. Like it was all just a hazy dream masked in a heavenly scent of perfume and the familiar taste of a childhood treat.

And yet as surreal as it feels, I know it was all real coz I miss every moment of it. I miss every toss and turn, every giggle, every awkward question, and every sideward glance.

With my head throbbing and my eardrums bursting, I spent the beginning of my day just thinking about it and reliving it, all the while knowing and realizing that in a few hours, I'd be heading to a meeting for work here in the real world. (Yes, on a Saturday.) That all of those moments were but a blurry glimpse and that this so-called maturity and contentment are what's real in the world.

This is who I am now - a little older, thinner, healthier, and less of a rage monster than ever. That's supposed to be a good thing, right? Then why do I feel so empty all of a sudden? Ah, the power of Zedd…

(Massive thanks to Ovation Productions for having us at Road to Ultra last night! Thank you for the feels! :p)


  1. I think you are very realistic and confident about expressing your feelings to the outside world, and you are right the memories never fade away.

  2. This is so insane. I would have probably felt the same way you did if I saw Zedd again live. We were together at some point the last time, right??? This post really hits you. :)