Tuesday, June 22, 2021

Home Sweet Home

It has been a month since we moved into our new home. When we ran out to get dirty ice cream and excitedly took TikTok videos and explored the vicinity. When we took turns sleeping on our new rugs on the floor. When I struggled to hang up curtains and build shelves and really felt how much of a single mom I was.

So much has happened since then, it feels like a lifetime ago. Despite all of the tears I've shed, the pain I felt in my heart, and the challenges God threw our way these past couple of weeks; I find myself completely at peace and happy with this decision.

I wake up in the morning at peace even if I didn't sleep much the night before. I sing and dance as I do my chores - and I can do so as loudly as I please. I go to bed every single night with a smile on my face even though nobody owns my heart. I feel no dread, no ill will, no anger, and no hate. I am where I'm meant to be.

Sure, Syrena and I argue every now and then - almost daily, really. But we never let more than an hour pass before we apologize and hug and everything is alright in the world once again. She helps with the chores. She offers to cook. She reminds me to eat. She takes care of me when I'm not feeling well. And she showers me with hugs every few hours. Best of all, she tells me at the end of every single day that she is happy. Out of nowhere. As if to reassure me that I made the right decision. As if to tell me that I shouldn't feel guilty or bad for choosing this life. She does this every day without fail.

And my friends? My goodness. I haven't felt this much support and love from friends in my life! My friends have been coming over to help me find furniture, build stuff (coz God knows how lazy I'd be otherwise), and really turn my house into a home. They're constantly on call when I'm feeling lonely and need someone to talk to; and most importantly, God has blessed our lives with someone I honestly can no longer imagine my life without.

Everything has fallen into place. I am content, calm, and at peace. And although there have been dark days these past couple of weeks, I have never felt so blessed and so alive. And I just feel the need to let the world know that.

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