Wednesday, June 30, 2021

Dear Survivor

Dear Survivor,

The pandemic hasn't been easy on anybody. Everyone has gone through their fair share of trouble in the past year, be it in terms of career, health, or relationships. For you, it was your mental health.

Being a mild schizophrenic isn't easy, but you're still here. You've survived. I know how hard it was for you to adjust to pandemic life when you spent so much of your pre-pandemic outdoors and socializing. It's how you had to deal with your mental illness, after all. Since all of your triggers were at home, you dealt with it by leaving home, hanging out with your friends, and doing things that you love to get your mind off things.

Unfortunately, when the lockdown came into place, you were stuck at home and disaster struck in your head. As the pandemic continued, I remember how intense the paranoia was - a "side effect" of your illness. You couldn't go out even when other people started to because you were always worried that you might get COVID and infect people at home. But how could you escape your triggers if you were stuck with them every day?

I still remember how you lived day after day in mental anguish. The torture was so real that you contemplated suicide more than once a month. Since nobody in your household cared or even acknowledged your illness, nothing was done to keep these thoughts or feelings at bay. It took a few months of barely surviving that way, but I'm glad you got to a point where you decided that I had to leave that place: for your sanity, your peace of mind, and your survival. Literally.

Of course, it wasn't easy. You had zero savings, your daughter's tuition to pay, and a job that had to let go of half of its workforce due to the pandemic. You could be next any second. Enter more paranoia.

Still, the resolve was real. I still remember when you started having dreams of what peace could feel like. That's what triggered the motivation and made it even stronger. I still remember you starting to look for other jobs in the most random places; and by God's grace, you are so blessed that He gave you the talents, the patience, and the stamina that you needed to succeed at everything that you tried your hand at. From voice acting to tarot card reading to social media management, you took it all on and you did so gracefully.

By the end of 2020, you had eight full-time jobs and enough money in the bank to allow yourself and Syrena to live comfortably in a new house. More on that here.

I remember how tired you were every single day. I remember how dates were thrown out the window. I remember how friendships survived by the bare minimum. But I also know that is absolutely no regret in your heart. You did what you had to do to survive, and that's really all anybody can do right now.

Keep moving forward. Keep hustling. Keep doing you. Keep praying. And keep surviving. People said I would never do it, but here I am. Alive. Happy. And at peace.

This story is an entry to ComCo Southeast Asia’s “Write to Ignite Blogging Project Season 2: Dear Survivor”. The initiative continues to respond to the need of our times, as every story comes a long way during this period of crisis.  The initiative aims to pull and collate powerful stories from the Philippine blogging communities to inspire the nation to rise and move forward amidst the difficult situation. The “Write to Ignite Blogging Project” Season 2 is made possible by ComCo Southeast Asia, with Eastern Communications and Jobstreet as co-presenters, with AirAsia and Xiaomi as major sponsors, and with Teleperformance as sponsor.

1 comment:

  1. wow sis i didnt you also had mental illness .. i had shared my story too good luck to us! we are really warriors and survivors!