Saturday, November 11, 2017

It's never "just a crush".

Disclaimer: these photos are old, from a time when my hair matched my beanie, and the thoughts in this post are pretty old, too. In fact, I didn't even know these thoughts exist. I just found them in the Notes of my iPhone written one probably drunken early morning last month at 2:28am. Here goes…

Sometimes, you feel like your crush doesn't like you back; and so you end up making stupid decisions, like making out with a stranger as a dare, or shifting your attention to their best friend, or sleeping with an ex - and just hoping that somehow that would fill the void.

Spoiler: it doesn't fill the void.

No matter how hard you try to fight the feelings you have, no matter how hard you repeat to yourself that "it's just a crush, it's just a crush"… let's face it: it's never "just a crush".

Because most of the time, all you can think about is those 24 hours you spent together, that one night where you felt like you mattered - when you felt like you could actually get what you want (cue The Smiths songs) or you felt like maybe this could lead to something.

But that something ended up being a one-sided nothing.

How can you make someone feel the same way that you feel towards them? How can you make them see you in the same light that you see them? Can you magically place the same butterflies in their stomach? Can you teleport your being somehow and make yourself run through their heads all day? How can you make them hunk about you the way you think about them?

It just isn't possible.

And so, day in and day out, all you really do is hope - hope that maybe one day, they'll finally see you in that way. One day, they'll look at you and realize that this is what they have been waiting for, too. They will realize that maybe it won't hurt to acknowledge that and give you a chance.


But all you can really do is hope.

But we all know that hope is shit in the end.

So, really, what's the point?

Maroon beanie from a friend / Star Wars dress from Folded and Hung / black studded sandals from Zalora / delicious Jamoca Almond Fudge from Baskin Robbins

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