Monday, September 20, 2021

It's okay not to be kind all the time.

I’m a kind person. Or at least, I’d like to think that I am. Granted, I haven’t always been kind, but I have grown and learned from past mistakes through the years and have gone to great lengths to change.

At the very least, I’m always there for people I care for when they need me. I stop working, reading, or playing games to reply when there’s a crisis. I drop everything when a friend says they need me. And people have even called me out for having a superhero complex.

When someone needs help at work or something needs to get done, I always, ALWAYS volunteer to help. Maybe it’s this strange desire to be a real-life superhero. Or maybe it’s because I know what it feels like to not have anyone.

Either way, it’s a “sickness” I’ve been trying to kick for a while now. And with all of the bad luck happening in my life lately, I’ve been taking things up a notch by stopping with the crazy amounts of kindness.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s okay to be kind. It’s okay to be there for people and to help them in their hour of need. But it’s also important to know your limits and set your boundaries. If people disrespect your requests, step over your boundaries, and keep taking and taking without giving or listening; it’s okay to put your foot down. It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to put up a final wall. It’s okay to stop being kind.

It’s okay to admit that you were blinded by loneliness and false pretenses. We all get duped sometimes. But I’m here to remind you that kindness isn’t always a good thing because the world isn’t full of good people.

There are people who will take advantage of your kindness and if you don’t open your eyes and do something about it, you’ll end up exactly like me: emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually drained. And with zero trust issues.

I’ve gone through a lot this past month. I’ve overworked myself yet still lost an important job. I’ve held in my anger and contempt yet still ended up with ruined belongings. I’ve let people into my cold and hard heart yet still ended up getting used.

And I’m tired of it. So this is me putting my foot down. This is me removing my cape. This is me throwing my superhero suit in the trash. Put it on the front page if you want. “Angel is a villain.” “Angel is a bitch.” “Angel is the user, not me.” Say what you want. Believe whatever you need to believe to make yourself feel better. 

But at least now, I get to sleep in peace and quiet, knowing that you’re out of my life and are no longer my burden to bear.

Photos by Gizelle Caoile.