Sunday, January 26, 2020

A Love Letter to My Friends

2019 was a bad 'friends' year for me. Although I definitely met a lot of amazing people throughout the year, there were moments when I self-invited myself to places and showed up unannounced at people's houses.

I found myself constantly reaching out to people to start conversations and to ask them to hang out. And when I didn't message them? I would never hear from them.

There were days when I was completely breaking down and tried to reach out to people for help, but no one cared. It even came to a point where I felt like I was forcing people to hang out with me. Little did I know that I was simply 'friends' with the wrong people.

I think one of the best decisions I made recently was to invite Rasta to hang out. I remember the first time I thought of inviting her to hang, my then-boyfriend looked at me and said, "Well, that's random. Are you even friends?" Obviously, being the weak woman that I am sometimes, I started doubting what I wanted to do and didn't push through with it.

And look at us now. Ayieeeee!

Hanging out with Rasta and expanding my friends' circle, in general, is probably the best thing I have done in the past few months. I used to keep my friends' circle super tight because I don't like people, in general. It just turns out I hadn't been meeting good people these last few years.

When looking for friends for keeps, look for people whose energy, whose mentality, and whose level of crazy matches yours. Look for people who will laugh with you and will never judge you. Look for people who are genuinely interested in what goes on in your mind: all of the pain, all of the scattered thoughts - mental health issues and all.

Look for people who voice out their desire to help, even if they don't know how to because they want to make sure you are always okay. Look for people who will take you aside during your moments of weakness and remind you to fuck what other people think. Look for people who will have your back, no matter what, and who will defend you even when you're not around.

Look for people who check up on you because they genuinely care about you. Look for people who will reply to you, especially when they know you really need them. Look for people who will apologize for not being there when it mattered. Look for people who won't let you down. And be that person for them, as well.

It may be daunting to get out of your comfort zone, but don't be afraid to look for new friends when you realize that the ones you currently have are no longer beneficial to your growth, your lifestyle, and your mental health. Don't feel guilty for leaving old friends behind. Because if they cared, they'd speak up and not let you leave in the first place.